Who's got two tumbs and loves to learn? .... this girl.

Probably the dorkiest subject title ever.

When I was first hired as an RN last fall, my nurse manager told me that she loved new nurses. Probably she just loved warm bodies, let's face it, it's suburban med/surg we're talking about here. But I still enjoyed the sentiment... she told me that she loved to watch scared and timid new RNs who know... let's be honest... next to nuthin' come in and blossom into fast moving, quick thinking nurse-heroes. She explained there would be a moment where something would happen, or someone would ask you a question, and you would have an immediate knee jerk reaction, or spill out an answer before you even had time to think. And right there, click you were critically thinking. I listen to this during my interview and it was hook, line and sinker. I was so ready to be there.

After I had been working on the floor for six months, I reflected on this statement one night (must have had angel sleeping patients that night, can you imagine??? time to think!). I thought "I never had that moment, maybe I still know nothing and am a complete failure". Two months later, I realize that I at least am a competent nurse most of the time, like 95%. Don't worry, don't worry the other 5 I have backup, so your grannies are safe with me. So, I knew that I had surpassed that point where the click clicks, I just thought it must be gradual.

Tonight, I was talking about a news story of a baby born at 32 weeks and rattled of some fairly intelligent guesses as to what was really going on with the baby, something about "intrauterine growth restriction, blah blah blah" something I could never have surmised back in nursing school, when I was actually you know IN a NICU on occasion. And right then, I could have sworn a portion of reality in time and space shifted with a click. Although I never see babies, nor have I gained any new information about them in my time in adult med/surg (jez over this time I probably LOST some!) I realized that my brain had made some new connections over the last (almost) year and I can actually critically think and synthesize all these things I simply memorized in nursing school.

For the first time since I started nurse practitioner school 17 days and 30 mins ago... I am going to sleep not c.diff'ing my pantaloons thinking I am going to kill every patient I so much as even look at as an NP. Maybe, just maybe I'll be almost competent as an NP too.

Here's hoping =)